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"Our Greatest Gift, Becoming Moms"

If we had to do it all over again, we wouldn’t change a thing. We started dating in the mid-2000’s. At that time, two females dating was not considered a social norm or even remotely accepted. When we decided to start a family together, we understood that there would be obstacles especially since our marriage was not legal in the state of Texas.

We spent many months weighing the pros and cons of having children and the life that we would provide for them as a lesbian couple. How do we even go about having children together. Do we go with fertility treatment? If so, which one of us will carry and be genetically connected to our child? And what or how do we even go about finding a sperm donor? But what about adoption? Neither of us would be a genetic match with our child. Does that matter to us? It was an unequivocal no! That made the choice easy. We determined that being parents to a child by fate and love was more important than any question we came up with. Thank goodness too.

Adoption wasn’t really a stretch of the imagination for us. I was adopted as a child and my wife spent many years getting to know my family. We began working with the agency to obtain more information about the process as an adoptive parent. It was quite easy once Carly prepared us. She helped us through the paperwork, home study, creating the family book, and all the other steps to get on their list. Then, all we had to do was sit back and wait for the call.

Let me tell you, we thought that we would be ready for the night we got the call. Nope! I still remember it like it was yesterday. The phone rang. “Hey it’s Carly, is your wife with you? Do you mind putting me on speaker phone?” I’m running around the house. “A little boy was born and placed for adoption through the agency that would be perfect for you all.” She finished with, “do you want to come meet him?” We were NOT prepared.

At this point we are running around the house trying to find shoes and keys and who-knows-what to take with us. When we got there, she explained that he was born premature and had been under a lamp for a week for jaundice. There were some possible health concerns and signs to pay attention to in the weeks to follow. I knew that Carly was talking to us, but her voice sounded like a faint distant whisper as we were in the moment holding our son. He was perfect!

Little did he know that he would spend the first night at his forever home in a Tupperware container. When I say we weren’t ready, there is little exaggeration left up to the imagination. That next day, our families were running to the store to gather baby essentials while we tried to master his routine. Our dogs took to him immediately. The dachshund would snuggle in his container with him while he slept. It really was the perfect chaos. Our life was now a mosaic art piece. PS, his crib was delivered the next day and he was showered with more love than we could have ever imagined. We were so worried that he would experience the reservations that others have about gay people, but it was the opposite. Our son has embraced having two moms, mommy and other momma. Adopting our son changed the mindset of those that kept us at arms-length based on our relationship choice.

When our son turned one, we decided that we want him to have a sibling. We both come from large families and enjoyed having others around us as we grew up. This time, my wife felt strongly about carrying, which was great with me since I didn’t have that desire. While that decision was easy, we still spent some time figuring out the plan. First things first, how will this decision effect our son. Weighing the pros and cons of having a sibling that comes from other momma’s belly rather than adoption.

We were fortunate enough to find a sperm donor that had similar physical traits to myself with interest complimentary of both of us. While the decisions came easy, the process was more complicated. We finally settled on a fertility clinic and began IVF treatments. This process was a lot more stressful than the adoption process. My wife endured multiple IVF treatments before getting pregnant. And while our family suffered loss during this process, we were blessed with twin daughters.

Fast forward to today. We have a six-year-old son and four-year-old daughter. Both are perfect in their own way. The best part is that they look like brother and sister. Our son is a mini me and our daughter is my wife’s mini me. And they know nothing different than having two mom’s that love them dearly and are thankful for each day with them. Like I said, if we had to do it all over again, we wouldn’t change a thing.

We hope that one day our kids will consider adopting too. It is a great blessing and sacrifice for a woman to spend nine months nurturing and developing a human being in her womb to allow another family the opportunity to love and cherish the child forever. All we can say is that every family deserves a child and this agency gave us the greatest gift, being moms.