How to best support your friend/family member that is going through the adoptive process: Expectant/Birth Families.
First off thank you for supporting your loved ones in any way during this time. Just reading this shows you have compassion for the place they are in in their life. This is a very hard time. Whether you are a grandparent, sibling, or friend, it is likely breaking your heart that your loved one is having to consider this decision. Please try to remember that whatever thoughts you have the birth and expectant families have already had. All the dreams you had of this new child entering your life, they have had tenfold. The most important factor to remember is: You are not the parent. There are only two people in the world that can make this decision and you are not one of them.
Rather than coming to them with judgement and anger, false promises or detrimental non-solutions, come to them with support and understanding. Come to them with an open heart and mind. Ask about how the process is going and if there is anything you can do to support them in it. Ask about the adoptive families they are choosing from and find joy in their joy of finding the perfect family. Ask if they need anything to help them through their pregnancy and post-partum experience. Never ask if they have thought this through. Of course they have. If they are comfortable enough telling others it means they have gone through every single emotion in the decision making process. Never make false promises out of desperation that you will not be able to keep. Never allow them to think for one second that you will view them negatively for this courageous decision.
Adoption is not “giving up a child” it is “giving a child more”. More love, more family, more experiences. This is the most selfless decision any individual can make. It takes strength, love and perseverance to see it through. While they can do it on their own, it is much easier to have a loved one in their corner supporting them in their choice. If you do it is more likely you will also be able to have a relationship with the child as they grow up. Adoption is not a decision made out of selfish thoughts or behaviors. It is the decision to give a child a life that their first family cannot provide at the time. It is the decision to allow two people to become parents that never thought that was possible. It is the decision to love the child, have a relationship with them, while also being assured that they are being provided the greatest life possible. Adoption is the choice to give more love and more family to everyone involved in the process, most important to the child.
In conclusion, love and support your friends and family that are considering this decision, while also remembering it is not your decision to make.
*The sentiments and policies expressed in this blog represent Cradle of Life Staff and/or Clients and do not necessarily reflect the sentiments or policies of all adoption agencies.