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Matching Process

The match made between adoptive and birth family is one of the most important aspects of adoption. We not only look at the match between the birth and adoptive couple, we look at the match between the adoptive couple and who the child will be at 5, 10, 17 years old. This process differs greatly between types of adoption as well as between agencies.

At Cradle of Life we match after we have all of the facts and when the expectant parents are ready for that part of their journey. The fact finding includes intakes, medical information, and completed genetic and social history. As we do not allow families to start matching without a thorough and complete home study, we would have already completed the adoptive family fact finding. During both of these processes we start looking at preferences of both sides of the adoption relationship. These preferences can include gender, race, age, level of contact, in state or out of state family, two parent home, single parent home, other biological or adopted children already in the home, as well as the cultural, religious and medical background of adoptive parents and expectant parents. We then start looking at personality traits of both sides. The personality traits can include active or stagnant lifestyle, favorite foods and activities, hobbies and others interests. 

We are very lucky at our agency that we do not have to match based on financial means or wait time, so we are able to spend time examining our active families and choosing those top 4 or 5 families that we feel would be the best fit. Profile books are then shared with the expectant parents and the decision is theirs about who they connect with. If they don’t find their match within these top candidates, we will not stop searching until they find someone they are whole heartedly connected to.

If we are put in a position where the expectant parents would like us to choose we will always choose the family we feel would be the best fit for the child and then share the profile book with the expectant or birth parent for their approval. This happens mostly in cases where the expectant parents want a closed adoption, or when they have already birthed the child and are wanting to complete the process as quickly as possible. No matter what, match is paramount. We would rather take our time and make the best match for the child for the duration of their life, then to hurry into a match that might not be the best fit just because it was convenient or the family had waited longer than others. After a match is made we will answer any questions and set up zooms or in person meetings in order for both sides to get to know each other better. We will also keep both sides informed until placement is complete. After placement is complete starts the relationship, and this relationship should grow and form over time. 

The matching process can be confusing and heartbreaking for a lot of families. The wait time is hard and everytime a family is not chosen for a match, they think "what are we doing wrong?" It is important to remember you are not doing anything wrong as long as you are being authentic to yourself. Your time will come it might be much faster or much slower than others, but it will come.  When the placement is right the first family will be at peace with their decision. The wait, the paperwork, the disappointment, the failed match, it will all make sense when you meet your child and their first family.

We always remind our families “You are not waiting for A child, you are waiting for YOUR child”.

*The sentiments expressed in this blog represent Cradle of Life Staff and/or Clients and do not necessarily reflect the sentiments or policies of all adoption agencies.